Organizing Our Threats

Well, that health care bill was pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened to America, and my name-sharing pal Michael Savage confirmed as much last night on his show, when a man called in to talk about a frightening nightmare he had about a red bird and a white bull and figured it really was all about Obama and the health-care bill.

But some good may come of this health-care mess yet!!!!

It turns out that nothing really lights a fire under a nation's people like taking all their money and giving most of it to a bunch of nobodies whose ancestors didn't even come from Europe, and giving the rest of it to baby-killing abortion clinics and senior-citizen murdering death squads, and now the people are FINALLY getting angry and taking action!!!

There have been a lot of very angry threats made lately, both to those always-traitorous Democrat "thugs" like Obama and Pelosi, and to others like this guy "Bart Stupak" who we thought was cool but who it turns out was THE one key guy in letting that health care monstrosity pass the hallowed halls of our nation's once-sacred-and-holy Capitol. Turns out he was planning on doing that all along and was just, like, putting on a little show for us all by protesting it!!!!!

ANYWAY, I just feel that it's my duty to say on behalf of myself, Tea Party New Mexico, and the Northeast Albuquerque Patriots, that I cannot approve of these many threats. I cannot sanction them. I cannot.

Why, you might ask? Perhaps that is something you might ask. I can imagine YOU, in my mind, asking ME that very same question.

Well, since you asked, for starters, they're way, way, way too unorganized in how they're made. They're real sloppy, and half the time they're made in some out-of-the-way corner of the Internet like "Twitter.com" where people write these tiny little messages to whoever or nobody, and no one even sees them until the liberal news people find them and start waving them around and yelling.

As someone with a long history of Costco work, I know that even if you have the giant boxes of SuperPretzels on sale, no one's going to buy them unless they're visible. If you hide them away behind plastic sacks of green beans or whatever, it doesn't even matter if they come with like a free piece of a gold brick or some rare and precious coral or whatever, (though of course they never do, that's just me thinking out loud) no one's gonna buy them if they don't know where they are, OK?!

I really just like staying at home and watching TV and spending other quality time with my family, so I'm honestly not into the whole "armed rebellion" thing yet that all my other Tea Party buddies are always talking about, because it seems like that would just really upset my daily normal life, you know, and I kind of like my life. That's my other reason for not approving of all the threats that have been made. I mean, if we all join in on that, how am I supposed to write a blog and go to fun meetings and have a family and work at Costco or host a hit show if I'm jail or foraging for canned food on the run or whatever, you know?

IF I WAS a more-violent person though, and if I was into pointing a gun at anything besides just animals and fish, that is to say, if I was like some of my other Tea Party pals and those guys in the Glenn Beck "forum," I'd probably suggest that all the people making and carrying out threats get a bit more organized, you know? It would seem to me that you gotta get more organized than just one guy throwing a brick through a window, or another one or two "tweeting" on their phones or whatever-you-call-it to their two friends--I mean, it just seems like no one's really in charge, right?

You would think for any sort of real revolution to really happen, there would really need to be like a...a...a like, (online?) Threat Database, or something, where everyone who's looking to get going on some sort of rebellion or revolution against the federal government and its "representatives" can get together and, you know, coordinate their efforts better.

But really, I don't want any sort of violence. I found out the hard way that I am not well-suited for violent action. Uncle Sam himself said my lungs were far too weak for the battlefield, and so my discharge was a highly honorable one. I'm more into drinking beer and going to rallies.

There is a truly real problem, however, nowadays that even when people's hearts are in the right place, they just don't have the years of organizational experience needed to stock the movement with the supplies it needs and to keep it all clean while doing so and also recognizing the needs of customers and newer employees, all while keeping a cheerful smile on your face and appearing ready to answer a question at a moment's notice, or clean up a spill, or break down a bunch of boxes to take out to the back. This is especially a problem with Obama. He just doesn't seem to realize that not everyone can drive the forklift, and only people with some seniority are allowed to remove heavy pallets of merchandise from the very top shelves.