DARK CLOUDS CAME ABOUT MY HEAD AND THREATENED TO RAIN DOWN ON THE FORCES OF GOOD IN THIS COUNTRY, BUT I PERSISTED IN MY FIGHT FOR JUSTICE AND THE TREE OF LIBERTY WAS NOURISHED!!!
BUT LET ME JUST START AT THE BEGINNING. MY BOSS WAS ON VACATION, SO A BUNCH OF US WENT HOME EARLY, AND THERE I WAS DRIVING HOME. I DECIDED I WOULD STOP BY THE INDEPENDENCE GRILL, WHICH IS LIKE THE REAL HOME OF TEA PARTY PEOPLE HERE IN ALBUQUERQUE. PATRIOTIC PEOPLE HERE LIKE TO EAT WITH THE CONSTITUTION IN CLEAR SIGHT OF US, THE WAY THE FOUNDING FATHERS MEANT US TO EAT, AND THAT PLACE HAS ONE.
SO I CALLED SOME OF MY COWORKERS TO MEET ME THERE, AND THEY SAID THEY WOULD, BUT THEN I GOT THERE AND NONE OF THEM SHOWED UP CAUSE I GUESS THEY WERE PROBABLY PRETTY BUSY OR WHATEVER. I THINK THEY'RE ALL TRUE PATRIOTS, BUT NOW I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
ANYWAY, I HAD A BUNCH OF MY BUSINESS CARDS FOR THIS WEBSITE IN MY POCKET, THAT I PRINTED OUT ON MY COMPUTER AND CUT OUT, SO I BROUGHT IN A STACK TO ASK IF THE PEOPLE THERE WOULD HAND THEM OUT FOR ME, BUT THE LADY AT THE ENTRANCE WAS KINDA ACTING LIKE A GUARD DOG, STANDING LIKE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE THERE BLOCKING MY WAY IN AND ACTING REAL LIKE CONDESCENDING-LIKE BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET PEOPLE THERE BUT THEY WEREN'T THERE SO I JUST GOT REAL UNCOMFORTABLE AND KIND OF JUST WANTED TO RUN AWAY, YOU KNOW.
SO I CALLED MY "FRIENDS" FROM WORK ON MY KINDA NEWISH CELL PHONE BUT THEY WEREN'T ANSWERING ME, SO THEN I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I COULD GO BACK IN BECAUSE I WAS KIND OF EMBARRASSED TO BE STOOD UP LIKE THAT IN A REAL IMPORTANT PATRIOT EATING PLACE LIKE THAT, SO I JUST DECIDED I WOULD PUT MY BUSINESS CARDS ON ALL THE CARS IN THEIR PARKING LOT, WHICH I DID.
THAT WAS KIND OF FUN, BUT I WAS STILL FEELING KINDA DITCHED AND LIED TO, WHICH ANY RED-AND-TRUE-BLOODED PATRIOT WILL TELL YOU IS SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS MAKES PEOPLE LIKE US REALLY MAD. WHEN A PATRIOT TELLS YOU HE WILL DO SOMETHING, HE USUALLY WILL. THESE PEOPLE MAY WEAR RED WHITE AND BLUE AND VOTE WITH GOD, BUT WHEN THE SITUATION GETS TOUGH, THEY JUST RUN ON HOME OR BACK TO COSTCO OR WHEREVER. THANKS FOR NOTHING, TIM, KATHERINE, AND JERRY, IF YOU EVER READ THIS AND I HOPE YOU DO!!!!
TRAITORS!!
ANYWAY, THEN I PUT BUSINESS CARDS ON ALL THE CARS IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE LAUNDROMAT NEXT TO THE INDEPENDENCE GRILL TOO, IN CASE SOME OF THEM WERE PATRIOTS TOO OR MAYBE DIRTY LIBS WHO MIGHT BE TOUCHED BY SOMETHING THEY READ ON MY WEBSITE AND CHANGE THEIR WAYS. ("LET HE WHO HAS NO SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE." "GO AND SIN NO MORE.")
THEN I SAW SOMETHING THAT CHANGED MY WHOLE DAY AND GAVE ME A LOT TO THINK ABOUT AND MAYBE IT WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT AS WELL. I THINK THE ONLY WAY TO GO THROUGH THIS LIFE, REALLY, IS TO BE ALWAYS READY FOR LIKE A SPECIAL LESSON FROM ABOVE. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS AND SURELY HE MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS THAT ARE WONDROUS TO BEHOLD.
ANYWAY, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CROSS MONTGOMERY BOULEVARD AND SEE IF THERE WERE MAYBE SOME OTHER CARS I COULD LEAVE MY CARDS ON, WHEN I SAW SOMETHING THAT REALLY STRUCK ME. IT WAS A LITTLE BIRD, BRAVE AND TRUE, THAT FLEW DOWN TO PECK AT LIKE A FRY OR A PIECE OF TRASH OR SOMETHING ON THE ROAD. THERE WAS NOTHING REALLY SPECIAL ABOUT, WAS PROBABLY A SPARROW OR WHATEVER, JUST LIKE A MILLION OTHERS, BUT FOR SOME REASON THIS ONE CAUGHT MY EYE AND I SIMPLY COULD NOT IGNORE IT.
I WATCHED THIS LITTLE BIRD, PECK, PECK, PECK AWAY AT THAT OLD SCRAP OF BREAD OR WHATEVER IT WAS, AND THEN, BLAMM!!, A BIG OLD TRUCK CAME LIKE RIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE AND SMASHED IT RIGHT FLAT ON THE ROAD. THE BIRD WAS SO BUSY EATING THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE IT UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.
NOW, I'M NOT LIKE SOME ENVIRONMENTALIST WACKO WHO THINKS ANIMALS ARE MORE IMPORTANT OR AS IMPORTANT OR EVEN CLOSE TO AS IMPORTANT AS HUMAN BEINGS CREATED IN GOD'S OWN IMAGE, AND IN FACT I'VE GOT A HUGE FREEZER IN MY GARAGE FULL OF DEAD FISH AND BIRDS THAT IF THEY AREN'T TOO FREEZER-BURNED FROM BEING IN THERE SO LONG WILL MAKE ME A REALLY GOOD MEAL ONE DAY THAT I WON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT AT ALL ABOUT KILLING, STORING, MOVING TO ALBUQUERQUE, AND THEN EATING. I'M A MEMBER OF THE REAL PETA, "PEOPLE WHO EAT TASTY ANIMALS," HA HA HA. I SAW THAT ON A SHIRT.
ANYWAY, BUT THIS LITTLE BIRD, MAYBE JUST BECAUSE HE NEVER SAW IT COMING, HE JUST MADE ME REAL, REAL SAD. AFTER THE TRAFFIC SLOWED DOWN A LITTLE I WALKED OUT TO SEE IF MAYBE IT WAS OKAY, BUT THERE WASN'T EVEN A BLOODY SPOT WHERE THE BIRD HAD BEEN, AND I REALIZED I HAD ACTUALLY PROBABLY JUST IMAGINED IT, BECAUSE THERE WASN'T ANY TRASH OR FOOD OR WHATEVER IN THE ROAD EITHER.
SO THEN I WALKED BACK TO MY VEHICLE, STILL FEELING LIKE JUST AS SAD AS IF THE BIRD HAD REALLY BEEN REAL, AND I GOT INTO THE FRONT SEAT, AND I JUST SAT THERE AND CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED FOR GOING ON CLOSE TO AN HOUR AND A HALF. JUST, LIKE, WEEPING, I DON'T WHAT WAS GOING ON, IT WAS REAL WEIRD. IT WAS OKAY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG, CAUSE MY WIFE THOUGHT I WAS AT WORK ANYWAY, BUT MAN, THAT JUST KIND OF FREAKED ME OUT.
AFTER I FINALLY STOPPED CRYING, I DROVE KINDA REAL SLOW OUT OF THE LOT AND I TURNED ON THE RADIO, AND THERE WAS GLENN BECK, OLD PATRIOT RADIO FRIEND, AND HE KIND OF MADE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT ALL. FOR A WHILE ANYWAY, BUT THE SECOND CRYING SPELL DIDN'T LAST EVEN CLOSE AS LONG AND NOW I'M ALL BETTER.
THAT WASN'T REALLY ME EITHER. I WAS HAVING LIKE SOME KIND OF EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW? I THINK THE LORD WAS TRYING TO SEND ME A MESSAGE, TELLING ME THAT WHAT I'M DOING, GETTING ACTIVE WITH SOME REAL PATRIOTS, YOU KNOW, IS LIKE THE RIGHT THING AND HE APPROVES AND IT IS PLEASING UNTO HIM. I'M ABOUT 99.999% PERCENT SURE THAT THAT'S WHAT ALL THAT WAS ABOUT.
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