"The Journey of One Thousand Miles Begins With the First Step." --Abraham Lincoln

Well, It has finally, finally begun. It has started. HERE--WE--GO!!!!!!!

I have sent off my letter to Fox News, making it known that I am prepared to be an on-air host of a nationally syndicated television talk show. Before doing so, I spoke at length with a number of highly knowledgeable people-in-the-know, friends of people I work with, who informed me that the most important thing was to be confident: to tell, not ask. Also, they told me a lot of real important "industry lingo," like "on-air" and "talent" and "on-air talent."

Anyway, so here's what I sent, to Resumes@foxnews.com:

Dear Fox News Channel,

I am pleased to announce that I have recently become available as on-air talent in the field of professional nationally syndicated television talk-show host people.

I am very, very, very, very, very interested in hosting a half-an-hour or a full-hour show for your esteemed, award-winning cable news network, something along the lines of what Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly do but in a much more conservative and Real American sort of way.

I am aware that you wish to see resumes for all your future on-air talent, and I will be happy to send you such a thing in the very near future, upon request. However, for now, I believe that all you really need to hear is that I AM AN AMERICAN--a true American, born and raised here in the United States of America, and I love my country. At least...I love what it used to be. I love what its Christian founders intended it to be, and I am willing to fight with my words to get it back to what it once was and what it may still one day be again.

Also, my resume shows mostly what people call "service jobs" and a brief stint in the Army for which I was HONORABLY discharged for unfortunate health reasons, so I am really just getting started in show business. You saw that right: I am also a veteran, although I never really saw combat. Still, I know what it's like to prepare for it. To fear it. To live it. To be ready to die for one's country.

Also, know this: I am not ashamed to speak the words of a true patriot, and those words are my own words. I am not ashamed to speak the truth in defense of freedom and liberty and the American way.

Currently, I am an employee of an Albuquerque-area Costco, and so at least initially my hours may be a problem concerning hosting the show. However, should the job pay enough for me to support my family (three children and a wife), I would most likely inform my Albuquerque-area employer (Costco) that I will be quitting that job to focus on my award-winning show. They're a pretty good employer, but given the choice between them and a job that would allow me to serve as a mouthpiece for the Tea Party, for the True American Right in this country, and for the deepest-held feelings of my heart, I would have to pick the job that allowed me to do the "latter." I could also move to wherever it is that you are located, if that was necessary, as I am used to just picking up and moving for work opportunities.

I am originally from Texas, near Tulia, and still have a slight accent, but I know you are a network that favors the people, and as Texans are truly American people, I hope that will not be a problem.

Please let me know what I will need to do next to begin preparing to host my show, what I will need to wear, et cetera. I am not exactly "college-educated," but I am a high-school graduate, and I am EXPERIENCED, and I do know what's in my heart, and what God wants for America.

Looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience,

Patriotically, excitedly, ready to go, One of your biggest supporters and future(!!!!!!) employees,

Michael Weiner, Patriot

Albuquerque, New Mexico

P.S. I realize I am in the proud possession of the same name as radio talk-show giant Michael Savage, but I am not him. I would say that is merely a coincidence, but I believe that there truly are no coincidences and that when God places a stumbling block in our pathway it is actually a stepping stone. Also, I do not believe that sharing a name with Michael Savage is a stumbling block. In fact, I am proud to share a name with him, and I only wish he were more proud to share one with me. He changed his name. Perhaps when more people have heard of me because of my TV show, he will change his back. That will be really confusing then, haha!!!!

Sincerely,

Michael Weiner, Patriot

Albuquerque, New Mexico

What do you think? I feel very, very good about this, though of course it's all just a little too good to be true. If any of my readers would like to help me out in this great cause, please e-mail Fox News at Resumes@foxnews.com and let them know that you would watch Michael Weiner in any "time slot"!!!

Every little bit helps!!!!!!!