"The Journey of One Thousand Miles Begins With the First Step." --Abraham Lincoln

Well, It has finally, finally begun. It has started. HERE--WE--GO!!!!!!!

I have sent off my letter to Fox News, making it known that I am prepared to be an on-air host of a nationally syndicated television talk show. Before doing so, I spoke at length with a number of highly knowledgeable people-in-the-know, friends of people I work with, who informed me that the most important thing was to be confident: to tell, not ask. Also, they told me a lot of real important "industry lingo," like "on-air" and "talent" and "on-air talent."

Anyway, so here's what I sent, to Resumes@foxnews.com:

Dear Fox News Channel,

I am pleased to announce that I have recently become available as on-air talent in the field of professional nationally syndicated television talk-show host people.

I am very, very, very, very, very interested in hosting a half-an-hour or a full-hour show for your esteemed, award-winning cable news network, something along the lines of what Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly do but in a much more conservative and Real American sort of way.

I am aware that you wish to see resumes for all your future on-air talent, and I will be happy to send you such a thing in the very near future, upon request. However, for now, I believe that all you really need to hear is that I AM AN AMERICAN--a true American, born and raised here in the United States of America, and I love my country. At least...I love what it used to be. I love what its Christian founders intended it to be, and I am willing to fight with my words to get it back to what it once was and what it may still one day be again.

Also, my resume shows mostly what people call "service jobs" and a brief stint in the Army for which I was HONORABLY discharged for unfortunate health reasons, so I am really just getting started in show business. You saw that right: I am also a veteran, although I never really saw combat. Still, I know what it's like to prepare for it. To fear it. To live it. To be ready to die for one's country.

Also, know this: I am not ashamed to speak the words of a true patriot, and those words are my own words. I am not ashamed to speak the truth in defense of freedom and liberty and the American way.

Currently, I am an employee of an Albuquerque-area Costco, and so at least initially my hours may be a problem concerning hosting the show. However, should the job pay enough for me to support my family (three children and a wife), I would most likely inform my Albuquerque-area employer (Costco) that I will be quitting that job to focus on my award-winning show. They're a pretty good employer, but given the choice between them and a job that would allow me to serve as a mouthpiece for the Tea Party, for the True American Right in this country, and for the deepest-held feelings of my heart, I would have to pick the job that allowed me to do the "latter." I could also move to wherever it is that you are located, if that was necessary, as I am used to just picking up and moving for work opportunities.

I am originally from Texas, near Tulia, and still have a slight accent, but I know you are a network that favors the people, and as Texans are truly American people, I hope that will not be a problem.

Please let me know what I will need to do next to begin preparing to host my show, what I will need to wear, et cetera. I am not exactly "college-educated," but I am a high-school graduate, and I am EXPERIENCED, and I do know what's in my heart, and what God wants for America.

Looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience,

Patriotically, excitedly, ready to go, One of your biggest supporters and future(!!!!!!) employees,

Michael Weiner, Patriot

Albuquerque, New Mexico

P.S. I realize I am in the proud possession of the same name as radio talk-show giant Michael Savage, but I am not him. I would say that is merely a coincidence, but I believe that there truly are no coincidences and that when God places a stumbling block in our pathway it is actually a stepping stone. Also, I do not believe that sharing a name with Michael Savage is a stumbling block. In fact, I am proud to share a name with him, and I only wish he were more proud to share one with me. He changed his name. Perhaps when more people have heard of me because of my TV show, he will change his back. That will be really confusing then, haha!!!!

Sincerely,

Michael Weiner, Patriot

Albuquerque, New Mexico

What do you think? I feel very, very good about this, though of course it's all just a little too good to be true. If any of my readers would like to help me out in this great cause, please e-mail Fox News at Resumes@foxnews.com and let them know that you would watch Michael Weiner in any "time slot"!!!

Every little bit helps!!!!!!!

A MESSAGE FROM ABOVE

WELL, YESTERDAY WAS A REAL WEIRD AND STRANGE DAY FOR TRUE-BLOODED AMERICAN PATRIOTS.

DARK CLOUDS CAME ABOUT MY HEAD AND THREATENED TO RAIN DOWN ON THE FORCES OF GOOD IN THIS COUNTRY, BUT I PERSISTED IN MY FIGHT FOR JUSTICE AND THE TREE OF LIBERTY WAS NOURISHED!!!

BUT LET ME JUST START AT THE BEGINNING. MY BOSS WAS ON VACATION, SO A BUNCH OF US WENT HOME EARLY, AND THERE I WAS DRIVING HOME. I DECIDED I WOULD STOP BY THE INDEPENDENCE GRILL, WHICH IS LIKE THE REAL HOME OF TEA PARTY PEOPLE HERE IN ALBUQUERQUE. PATRIOTIC PEOPLE HERE LIKE TO EAT WITH THE CONSTITUTION IN CLEAR SIGHT OF US, THE WAY THE FOUNDING FATHERS MEANT US TO EAT, AND THAT PLACE HAS ONE.

SO I CALLED SOME OF MY COWORKERS TO MEET ME THERE, AND THEY SAID THEY WOULD, BUT THEN I GOT THERE AND NONE OF THEM SHOWED UP CAUSE I GUESS THEY WERE PROBABLY PRETTY BUSY OR WHATEVER. I THINK THEY'RE ALL TRUE PATRIOTS, BUT NOW I'M NOT REALLY SURE.

ANYWAY, I HAD A BUNCH OF MY BUSINESS CARDS FOR THIS WEBSITE IN MY POCKET, THAT I PRINTED OUT ON MY COMPUTER AND CUT OUT, SO I BROUGHT IN A STACK TO ASK IF THE PEOPLE THERE WOULD HAND THEM OUT FOR ME, BUT THE LADY AT THE ENTRANCE WAS KINDA ACTING LIKE A GUARD DOG, STANDING LIKE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE THERE BLOCKING MY WAY IN AND ACTING REAL LIKE CONDESCENDING-LIKE BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET PEOPLE THERE BUT THEY WEREN'T THERE SO I JUST GOT REAL UNCOMFORTABLE AND KIND OF JUST WANTED TO RUN AWAY, YOU KNOW.

SO I CALLED MY "FRIENDS" FROM WORK ON MY KINDA NEWISH CELL PHONE BUT THEY WEREN'T ANSWERING ME, SO THEN I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I COULD GO BACK IN BECAUSE I WAS KIND OF EMBARRASSED TO BE STOOD UP LIKE THAT IN A REAL IMPORTANT PATRIOT EATING PLACE LIKE THAT, SO I JUST DECIDED I WOULD PUT MY BUSINESS CARDS ON ALL THE CARS IN THEIR PARKING LOT, WHICH I DID.

THAT WAS KIND OF FUN, BUT I WAS STILL FEELING KINDA DITCHED AND LIED TO, WHICH ANY RED-AND-TRUE-BLOODED PATRIOT WILL TELL YOU IS SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS MAKES PEOPLE LIKE US REALLY MAD. WHEN A PATRIOT TELLS YOU HE WILL DO SOMETHING, HE USUALLY WILL. THESE PEOPLE MAY WEAR RED WHITE AND BLUE AND VOTE WITH GOD, BUT WHEN THE SITUATION GETS TOUGH, THEY JUST RUN ON HOME OR BACK TO COSTCO OR WHEREVER. THANKS FOR NOTHING, TIM, KATHERINE, AND JERRY, IF YOU EVER READ THIS AND I HOPE YOU DO!!!!

TRAITORS!!

ANYWAY, THEN I PUT BUSINESS CARDS ON ALL THE CARS IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE LAUNDROMAT NEXT TO THE INDEPENDENCE GRILL TOO, IN CASE SOME OF THEM WERE PATRIOTS TOO OR MAYBE DIRTY LIBS WHO MIGHT BE TOUCHED BY SOMETHING THEY READ ON MY WEBSITE AND CHANGE THEIR WAYS. ("LET HE WHO HAS NO SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE." "GO AND SIN NO MORE.")

THEN I SAW SOMETHING THAT CHANGED MY WHOLE DAY AND GAVE ME A LOT TO THINK ABOUT AND MAYBE IT WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT AS WELL. I THINK THE ONLY WAY TO GO THROUGH THIS LIFE, REALLY, IS TO BE ALWAYS READY FOR LIKE A SPECIAL LESSON FROM ABOVE. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS AND SURELY HE MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS THAT ARE WONDROUS TO BEHOLD.

ANYWAY, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CROSS MONTGOMERY BOULEVARD AND SEE IF THERE WERE MAYBE SOME OTHER CARS I COULD LEAVE MY CARDS ON, WHEN I SAW SOMETHING THAT REALLY STRUCK ME. IT WAS A LITTLE BIRD, BRAVE AND TRUE, THAT FLEW DOWN TO PECK AT LIKE A FRY OR A PIECE OF TRASH OR SOMETHING ON THE ROAD. THERE WAS NOTHING REALLY SPECIAL ABOUT, WAS PROBABLY A SPARROW OR WHATEVER, JUST LIKE A MILLION OTHERS, BUT FOR SOME REASON THIS ONE CAUGHT MY EYE AND I SIMPLY COULD NOT IGNORE IT.

I WATCHED THIS LITTLE BIRD, PECK, PECK, PECK AWAY AT THAT OLD SCRAP OF BREAD OR WHATEVER IT WAS, AND THEN, BLAMM!!, A BIG OLD TRUCK CAME LIKE RIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE AND SMASHED IT RIGHT FLAT ON THE ROAD. THE BIRD WAS SO BUSY EATING THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE IT UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.

NOW, I'M NOT LIKE SOME ENVIRONMENTALIST WACKO WHO THINKS ANIMALS ARE MORE IMPORTANT OR AS IMPORTANT OR EVEN CLOSE TO AS IMPORTANT AS HUMAN BEINGS CREATED IN GOD'S OWN IMAGE, AND IN FACT I'VE GOT A HUGE FREEZER IN MY GARAGE FULL OF DEAD FISH AND BIRDS THAT IF THEY AREN'T TOO FREEZER-BURNED FROM BEING IN THERE SO LONG WILL MAKE ME A REALLY GOOD MEAL ONE DAY THAT I WON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT AT ALL ABOUT KILLING, STORING, MOVING TO ALBUQUERQUE, AND THEN EATING. I'M A MEMBER OF THE REAL PETA, "PEOPLE WHO EAT TASTY ANIMALS," HA HA HA. I SAW THAT ON A SHIRT.

ANYWAY, BUT THIS LITTLE BIRD, MAYBE JUST BECAUSE HE NEVER SAW IT COMING, HE JUST MADE ME REAL, REAL SAD. AFTER THE TRAFFIC SLOWED DOWN A LITTLE I WALKED OUT TO SEE IF MAYBE IT WAS OKAY, BUT THERE WASN'T EVEN A BLOODY SPOT WHERE THE BIRD HAD BEEN, AND I REALIZED I HAD ACTUALLY PROBABLY JUST IMAGINED IT, BECAUSE THERE WASN'T ANY TRASH OR FOOD OR WHATEVER IN THE ROAD EITHER.

SO THEN I WALKED BACK TO MY VEHICLE, STILL FEELING LIKE JUST AS SAD AS IF THE BIRD HAD REALLY BEEN REAL, AND I GOT INTO THE FRONT SEAT, AND I JUST SAT THERE AND CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED FOR GOING ON CLOSE TO AN HOUR AND A HALF. JUST, LIKE, WEEPING, I DON'T WHAT WAS GOING ON, IT WAS REAL WEIRD. IT WAS OKAY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG, CAUSE MY WIFE THOUGHT I WAS AT WORK ANYWAY, BUT MAN, THAT JUST KIND OF FREAKED ME OUT.

AFTER I FINALLY STOPPED CRYING, I DROVE KINDA REAL SLOW OUT OF THE LOT AND I TURNED ON THE RADIO, AND THERE WAS GLENN BECK, OLD PATRIOT RADIO FRIEND, AND HE KIND OF MADE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT ALL. FOR A WHILE ANYWAY, BUT THE SECOND CRYING SPELL DIDN'T LAST EVEN CLOSE AS LONG AND NOW I'M ALL BETTER.

THAT WASN'T REALLY ME EITHER. I WAS HAVING LIKE SOME KIND OF EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW? I THINK THE LORD WAS TRYING TO SEND ME A MESSAGE, TELLING ME THAT WHAT I'M DOING, GETTING ACTIVE WITH SOME REAL PATRIOTS, YOU KNOW, IS LIKE THE RIGHT THING AND HE APPROVES AND IT IS PLEASING UNTO HIM. I'M ABOUT 99.999% PERCENT SURE THAT THAT'S WHAT ALL THAT WAS ABOUT.

THE TIME IS NOW!!

I WAS LISTENING TO GLENN BECK THE OTHER DAY AND I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS HE SAID EXACTLY, BUT I TELL YOU, THAT WAS A REAL WAKE-UP CALL, SOMETHING THAT HE SAID. IT WAS MORE LIKE, NOT HIS WORDS, BUT THE FEELING HIS WORDS GAVE ME, LIKE, THAT MAN IS RIGHT, THIS COUNTRY HAS SOME REAL PROBLEMS! AND I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP OUT!!!

THESE WERE PRETTY MUCH ALL PROBLEMS I'D THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT BEFORE--LIKE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS JUST PRANCING OVER HERE WILLY-NILLY TO STEAL OUR JOBS HOWEVER THEY PLEASE, OR A SOCIALIST KENYAN STEALING THE PRESIDENCY, OR THE GOVERNMENT PRETTY MUCH TURNING INTO A BUNCH OF LIBERAL NAZIS WHO WANT TO TAKE ALL OUR MONEY AND FREEDOM AWAY, JUST THAT SORT OF STUFF THAT ALL CONCERNED AMERICANS SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT!!!

ANYWAY, I WAS FEELING KIND OF HELPLESS THINKING ABOUT ALL THIS, BUT I WAS DRIVING ALONG JUST THINKING ABOUT IT ALL AND EATING A BURRITO WHEN I SAW A FLIER FOR A TEA PARTY RALLY. I'D HEARD ABOUT THEM AND THOUGHT, THAT'S IT, COUNT ME IN, I SUPPORT THOSE PEOPLE IN MY HEART, BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO DO SOME THING MORE.

ANYWAY, IT TURNED OUT THAT WASN'T REALLY A FLIER FOR THE REAL TEA PARTY, IT WAS LIKE FOR SOME OTHER TEA PARTY, I DON'T REALLY GET IT, BUT ANYWAY, IT GOT ME STARTED, AND NOW HERE I GO!!!!!!!

TONIGHT I WILL BE ATTENDING THE MEET AND GREET FOR THE ALBUQUERQUE TEA PARTY (AND YOU ALL SHOULD TOO!!!!), AND FROM NOW UNTIL SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE I WILL BE WRITING MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HERE ON OUR COMPUTER.

I AM PRETTY NEW TO COMPUTERS, BUT MY WIFE HAS BEEN SHOWING ME HOW TO USE OURS NOW, AND HELPED ME SET UP THIS "BLOG" WHICH WILL REALLY GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PUT MY WORDS OUT THERE AND MAYBE TOUCH THE HEARTS OF THE VOTERS OF NEW MEXICO WITH SOME OLD-FASHIONED COMMON SENSE FROM MY HEART.

SO, ANYWAY, THAT'S MY STORY, AND NOW HERE'S WHAT I WANT TO SAY: THE TIME FOR ACTION IS NOW, PEOPLE!! THE TIME TO SPEAK UP IS NOW!! THE TIME HAS COME, AND THAT TIME IS NOW!!! MAY GOD BLESS ALL TRUE AMERICAN CHRISTIAN PATRIOTS AND MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA!!