"The Journey of One Thousand Miles Begins With the First Step." --Abraham Lincoln

Well, It has finally, finally begun. It has started. HERE--WE--GO!!!!!!!

I have sent off my letter to Fox News, making it known that I am prepared to be an on-air host of a nationally syndicated television talk show. Before doing so, I spoke at length with a number of highly knowledgeable people-in-the-know, friends of people I work with, who informed me that the most important thing was to be confident: to tell, not ask. Also, they told me a lot of real important "industry lingo," like "on-air" and "talent" and "on-air talent."

Anyway, so here's what I sent, to Resumes@foxnews.com:

Dear Fox News Channel,

I am pleased to announce that I have recently become available as on-air talent in the field of professional nationally syndicated television talk-show host people.

I am very, very, very, very, very interested in hosting a half-an-hour or a full-hour show for your esteemed, award-winning cable news network, something along the lines of what Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly do but in a much more conservative and Real American sort of way.

I am aware that you wish to see resumes for all your future on-air talent, and I will be happy to send you such a thing in the very near future, upon request. However, for now, I believe that all you really need to hear is that I AM AN AMERICAN--a true American, born and raised here in the United States of America, and I love my country. At least...I love what it used to be. I love what its Christian founders intended it to be, and I am willing to fight with my words to get it back to what it once was and what it may still one day be again.

Also, my resume shows mostly what people call "service jobs" and a brief stint in the Army for which I was HONORABLY discharged for unfortunate health reasons, so I am really just getting started in show business. You saw that right: I am also a veteran, although I never really saw combat. Still, I know what it's like to prepare for it. To fear it. To live it. To be ready to die for one's country.

Also, know this: I am not ashamed to speak the words of a true patriot, and those words are my own words. I am not ashamed to speak the truth in defense of freedom and liberty and the American way.

Currently, I am an employee of an Albuquerque-area Costco, and so at least initially my hours may be a problem concerning hosting the show. However, should the job pay enough for me to support my family (three children and a wife), I would most likely inform my Albuquerque-area employer (Costco) that I will be quitting that job to focus on my award-winning show. They're a pretty good employer, but given the choice between them and a job that would allow me to serve as a mouthpiece for the Tea Party, for the True American Right in this country, and for the deepest-held feelings of my heart, I would have to pick the job that allowed me to do the "latter." I could also move to wherever it is that you are located, if that was necessary, as I am used to just picking up and moving for work opportunities.

I am originally from Texas, near Tulia, and still have a slight accent, but I know you are a network that favors the people, and as Texans are truly American people, I hope that will not be a problem.

Please let me know what I will need to do next to begin preparing to host my show, what I will need to wear, et cetera. I am not exactly "college-educated," but I am a high-school graduate, and I am EXPERIENCED, and I do know what's in my heart, and what God wants for America.

Looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience,

Patriotically, excitedly, ready to go, One of your biggest supporters and future(!!!!!!) employees,

Michael Weiner, Patriot

Albuquerque, New Mexico

P.S. I realize I am in the proud possession of the same name as radio talk-show giant Michael Savage, but I am not him. I would say that is merely a coincidence, but I believe that there truly are no coincidences and that when God places a stumbling block in our pathway it is actually a stepping stone. Also, I do not believe that sharing a name with Michael Savage is a stumbling block. In fact, I am proud to share a name with him, and I only wish he were more proud to share one with me. He changed his name. Perhaps when more people have heard of me because of my TV show, he will change his back. That will be really confusing then, haha!!!!

Sincerely,

Michael Weiner, Patriot

Albuquerque, New Mexico

What do you think? I feel very, very good about this, though of course it's all just a little too good to be true. If any of my readers would like to help me out in this great cause, please e-mail Fox News at Resumes@foxnews.com and let them know that you would watch Michael Weiner in any "time slot"!!!

Every little bit helps!!!!!!!

My absence, ingratitude, the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy, and a Surprise Announcment

(This is not a picture of me, but it does represent what we should all be doing right now, in the face of this, the greatest takeover of American Democracy since maybe ever.)

***

Americans!--

that is to say, former-Americans, people who once considered themselves citizens of God's most blessed country on this, the Earth, the planet he made in his infinite wisdom--

Americans!--

that is to say, people who now have no country to call their own since this once-great nation was officially disbanded by the communists and terrorist-sympathizers and baby-killers of the so-called Left, thanks for nothing Obama and Pelosi!!!--

Americans!--

that is to say, the last great patriots of this once proud and true nation that is now no more upon the nailing of the final nail into into this once-great nation's final coffin, last night's Health Care swindle--

Americans, I know you have wondered.

You have wondered, in this time of great crisis, in this hour of our most dire and essential need, why I have been so silent. Why I have been so vocally tiny. Why I have been so wildy lost and stormswept, so cloudy and so aloof, so silently, dare I say it, "unAmerican." Well, Americans, this is why: my heart. My heart has been broken. My heart has been torn asunder by Obama's wild hyenas, strangled by the vines of his green-outside/red-inside African gourd/watermelon patch, trampled by his bureaucratic wildebeests, and stolen away like a cheap pen by his commie-liberal-socialist-Marxist swindlers and thieves.

The Lord knows your heart, Kenyan!! The Lord knows of the pact you made with his fiercest enemy, indeed with that fallen angel Satan himself, evil incarnate!!!

Here I have been, knowing that our great country was going down the toilet, one vote at a time, and all I could do was warn and inspire, warn...and inspire.

Warn. And Inspire.

Hoping I could perhaps change a heart or two or three or four or five, I penned a heartfelt tribute, a tribute to our flag, Old Glory, "the Stars and Stripes," the Star-Spangled Banner as it is often called. Some would call it just a piece of cloth, but not I. Some would call it a clothpiece, BUT NOT I.

AMERICANS!!! Hoping it would lighten the souls of this fallen country, turn its hearts and minds to Christ and to patriotism, I penned a great and important message to America's troops and non-troops. Hoping it would crack the darkness sending beams of His glorious light shining upon the traitors and their dark deeds, but NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!

No, like the prophets of old, I spoke, and with what was I rewarded? Chocolates? Trinkets? A garland of flowers upon my frail American neck? A simple peace of mind???!!! NO!!!! I was rewarded with unpatriotic nitpicking and hairsplitting--with e-mails like the one from liberal communist God-hater Jeffrey Smith (spacebetweenvans@yahoo.com), saying that "your sentiments are obviously sincere and from a place of genuine (although uninformed) concern, but literally everything you said about the flag seems to be incorrect, created whole-cloth out of your own racist ideology and Christian beliefs. Check your facts first next time, or better yet, just stay off the Internet, please."

Or this one from likely terrorist-sympathizer Robert Weimer (rweimer@earthlink.net), who said that "You had better read up on the colors, stripes, and the stars of our flag.

"13 stripes represent the the thirteen original states. The stars represent each and every individual state in the union. The original flag was sown by Betsy Ross in the late 1700's-early1800's (I don't remember for sure), in Philadelphia. There have been several modifiications done to the USA flag through the years. And did you know that if the flag is hung upside down, it means distress?"

Those are some fightin' words from someone who doesn't even know what CENTURY the flag was made in, ROBERT!!!

So what did I get for my efforts? What did I get? What did I GET??? Well, I'll tell what I got, I got ingratitude. And more than that, I got nothing!!! Silence!!! How many people commented on my article to thank me for my words??? NONE!!! ZERO!!!!! I am sick of this crap!!!

...Then I calmed down a little, and I got to thinking. I KNOW people read this website, because when I talk to my Tea party friends at work, they tell me they read it when I ask them. Also, people on other Tea Party websites have told me they read it, and people on Craigslist.com have told me they read it. Also, I get lots of e-mails from people telling my how great my website is or, if they're unpatriotic scumbag lefties, how "bigoted" or "ignorant" or whatever they think I am.

So here's what I think: two things. One, I think liberals are "hacking" this Internet account, maybe government-santioned liberals snooping around for Obama, and deleting my comments from people who have read my articles and loved them, trying to demoralize me. There is a vast Left-Wing conspiracy underway, and I have got a giant target painted on my chest and back and head. They want me to give up and the surest way, they figure, is to make me think that no one is listening. WELL, I'LL SHOW THEM WHO'S NOT LISTENING!!!!

The other thing I think might maybe be going on is that the Internet is just not as popular as it once was. In the 1990s, everyone was very into "the Net," with that movie and everything, but nowadays with the economy the way it is (terrible!!!), people are turning more and more to TV and their cell phones--turning away from God and his message, and toward the World and all its pleasures of the flesh. No one has time for the website of the 700 Club when they are busy undermining democracy and watching pornography!!!

Either way, I think the Internet has been my problem in getting the word out about the Tea Party, and about the Dems' threat to democracy as we knew it, because it's easy to mess with and no one's really reading it anyway, at least not the young fresh audience we need to attract to our message.

What I need is nationally syndicated television talk show, and so I am happy to announce that starting today, I will be proudly endeavoring to become the host of an award-winning nationally syndicated television talk-show on either Fox News or, if I have to, CNN, which is another cable news channel.

This may take a couple of weeks, but with God's help I know that in the end, I will be able to represent the last true American patriots to a nation who has ears but so far has not been able to hear. I will be speaking not just to Albuquerque's far-left Craigslist.com posters, but to everyone, to the world, to all those who need to hear what I have to say, the words that God Himself has placed in my heart to share: words like, "the Government needs to stay out of our private business!!!" Words like, "Gay marriage is an abomination before the Lord and needs to be banned!!!" Words like, "Tort Reform!!"

In the end, we will be able to look back with pride and say, "We really accomplished something there. And we did it, together, with Michael Weiner's help and inspiration."

Only then can we begin to truly, truly, truly heal.